The tarot said that I am desperate for relief from my post, from caring, and that I am sorry for the pain and wishing to be free of it all! There doesn't seem to be any one right, magic answer forthcoming. It is making me feel like the proverbial fool and I don't know what to believe anymore! So it becomes a case of "screw it", although I prefer "whatever". Yet the tarot guarantees me that acting-out in haste or rejecting second-chances, as a trick for suckers, could expose the very wound I think I will be guarding, as well as the wishful thinking for redemption and forgiveness.Se ficar, o bicho come; se correr, o bicho pega!
So the tarot explains that there is a difference between luxuriating in voluptuous contentment of some sensual pleasure and jealousy, and guarding access or acting to gratify self-indulgent, high-maintenance effects. Ideally, it should all become a seal of approval or a sign to light the way to a more renewable or hybrid truth, because the throne is mine, if I am in accordance with the cause and I keep the cycles flowing responsibly in my own back yard.
(T-o-o d-i-f-f-i-c-u-l-t!!!)
...I feel stung or misled by shattered reflections of one-of-my-kind, and repulsed by weakness and shiny-happy-people. I want to abandon the vigil or cross the line, but maintain the illusion of choice. Any wonder I am turning to growling resentment inside-outwardly and denying the wellsprings of spontaneous feelings that simmer beneath the surface to go to twin extremes: a half-life, until one doesn't even recognize the other in the mirror-image. But it is an unconvincing safe-haven to avoid becoming something I fear.
Being labelled traitor to the clique, but still sticking to the deal is an act of faith or labor of love; a testament to an underdog effort to salvage honor and redeem hope out of the glorious wreckage of abandoned creation that has also come to define my own descent or mismatched alliance. So I must hang in there!
